…I’ll be married! This explains my absence from the blogging world. I’ll try to see if I can write. If not, see y’all on the married side!
An Evening Not to Remember May 12, 2008
I went to get my bustier for my wedding dress early yesterday afternoon w/ JD. During the car ride to the lingerie store, we were talking about the trips I had to make back up for the upcoming Big Day. Then we realized that this weekend will be my last wkend single in this city. Now, JD and OZ have been talking about having this epic “bachelor” party for me (bachelor, b/c I hang out namely w/ guys). All they do is talk about it, but they never really plan anything, which is what is to be expected knowing the two of them. I learned my lesson from my bday last year, “don’t hope too much or else you end up disappointed”.
While I was trying out my bustier and JD waiting out front, he made a series of calls to friends and rounded up the troops. What was originally going to be their cougar hunting night, is now going to be merged w/ my last Sat in W night. 1/2 an hr later we headed to the beach. The beach was really a body of water in the quarry. We had decided not to head to our usual beach b/c it was not warm enough to go into the water and it was about 15-18°C. We just had a sandbuilding contest, which was loads and loads of fun. JD worked by himself, while YD and ZL worked as a pairi and OZ and myself worked together. JD was crazy enough to run into the cold water and eventually, by the end of the day, he threw me in the water. Luckily I was prepared and brought a change of clothes. So it was good times.
We drove back and disbanded to shower and get ready for the evening. I had invited ML the previous night to see if he wanted to hunt cougars. I had also invited HK during the day expecting asides from cougar hunting it will be fun as my last single Sat night in the W. The evening started well enough. We all met up at the FI and my apt, and pre-drinking ensued and everyone was having a good time. The FI decided to pass on the evening and stay @ home instead. When went to the Cougar bar and I believe that is when things went down hill from there.
I just didn’t have fun. It was okay at the beginning and I was entertained, but I wasn’t enjoying the music, my feet started to hurt b/c of my fabulous looking heels (it is my belief that the hotness of a pair of heels is proportional the amt of pain it gives you). I liked watching ZL be unabashed in hitting on cougars, HK being scared (ZL offered him $20 to hit on one librarian/secretary looking one) and the best part of the evening was ML getting so smashed he was hitting on everything and anything. Yes…that was the best part, although by the end of the evening he was somewhat harder to control. He was absolutely hilarious. I must go out w/ him more often. However, since ML was my only source of amusement, the night was not remotely fabulous. In fact, when JD picked me up and we both fell, I knew the evening was just not going to be enjoyable. Now my hand still hurts.
This was like my bday last year. I never celebrated my bday and JD talked it up and hyped it up so much, I was actually excited and then I ended up disappointed. Things just aren’t planned. JD and OZ has talked about this so-called bachelor(ette) party for months and months and while fr. my lesson learned fr. the bday experience, I just can’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment. Last night was definitely NOT how I wish to remember my last Saturday in W as a single gal to be.
Soul Mate - Two Tiny Little Words with One Big Meaning May 9, 2008
Carrie: do you believe in soulmates?
Big: I like the word soul, I like the word mates, other than that you got me.
Do you believe that there is only person out there in the world for you? or do you think this term is unrealistic and clichéd?
When I was younger, I believed. I believed that each person has The One out there, perfect for them, waiting for them. Of course my opinion has changed a bit over the years. I’m not sure if the years made me wiser, or more cynical (and yes, I do realize this sounds weird coming from a girl who’s wedding is at the end of this month). Well I like to think that we have multiple soul mates. It’s just not realistic to think that there is one person out there for you and then out of all these odds you somehow manage to meet them. So my theory of multiple soul mates work out nicely. If you happen to miss one, there will be another.
If you find your soulmate, I believe that they are the best soulmate you can find at that moment in your life or forever. Of course, there will always be other ppl who will be better compatible for you and perhaps they too were meant to be a soul mate of yours under a different circumstance i.e. maybe you met one earlier and the other later.
Having said that, here comes the question, how do you know which soulmate is best suited for you?
If you were with someone and was perfectly content, yet someone else comes a long that is a better fit for you in all aspects and seem more “soulmatish” for you. This person makes you question whether the person you’re currently with is your actually soulmate?
What do you do? Stick w/ the first or the newer one?
Growing Pains May 9, 2008
So we’ve been living together for almost two weeks. Just like I predicted, my life has been turned around and not the way I would like it to be. The first night after all our things were moved in, it started. I was tired from the move and tried to do some unpacking, then I decided I wanted some down time in the computer office, but I didn’t get anyway b/c the FI was constantly CONSTANTLY talking and giving me some commentary on what he thought about my selection of dresses (I tuned him out). I really REALLY wanted some quiet time.
I thought I would adjust fine, but it’s been harder than I thought. Maybe I’m being selfish, maybe I’m not as adaptable, but honestly, I can’t stand having the FI walk by every five minutes while I’m on my laptop giving me hugs and a kajillion kisses. I don’t mind it every so often, but seriously, every five minutes is overboard. I tried to talk to him about it and he says that he is just so happy we’re living together and I was trying to make him understand that it’s hard trying to get any work done while he’s doing that. He has agreed to give me more space from that conversation, but it seems like it hasn’t changed.
We’ve had a series of talks I suppose about this whole situation. He doesn’t understand why I’m miserable here. In fact, I can’t give him a real defined answer w/o really hurting him. There was a reason why I wanted for both of us to move into a new apartment - so it would feel like it was a new life and new home we can start together. However, since I moved into his apartment, it feels nothing like that. It feels like I’m an inconvenience and he has to make room for me. Also w/ the whole unpacking thing, the future MIL came to help. While I am grateful for her presence and helping me unpacking in just a period of two days, there were a lot of things I did not like. The best way to describe is that if you think about the apartment as being a glass vase, the FI’s presence are the big rocks. On the otherhand, there’s no room for my big rocks, we have to use sand instead to fill up the small areas. That’s how I feel, on top of losing my independence.
Since moving in, I feel monitored by him. He doesn’t do it on purpose I know, but that’s how I felt and no matter how many talks we have about it, it’s not getting any better. I feel like I am constantly asked about what I am up to. I just want to be left alone. I am very much annoyed and hope that I suck it up and get over it soon. For the past few days I thought this wkend he was going to visit his brother in another city and I was so looking forward to having a FI-free wkend. Turns out I was wrong, he’s staying here. Damn, I really thought the space would do me some good and when he came back I would have a good attitude again.
I’m really quite unhappy right now, and I feel stupid for feeling this way.
Harvard Tournament Coming Soon! April 24, 2008
I have been really looking forward to the Harvard Kendo tournament, and we’re going tomorrow! HL and KK will be coming over 2nite and staying over and we will all wake up 2morrow morning and the whole club will head out for our 10 hour drive. This kendo tournament is a purely social trip for me, namely to see the Cornell Kendo Club, whom we met in Sept 1007. Actually I’m lying, I just really want to see TK.
In a way, I feel guilty for dragging my club out. Originally, I wanted the club to go to the Cleveland kendo tournament earlier this month, but it was the same day as the University of Toronto Kendo touranment, so we passed on that. LD had always been pushing for Harvard and I just kinda ignored her and said we should go to Cleveland b/c it was closer, but then I started to push for Harvard too and the club followed, even though most of them didn’t want to travel that far.
TK and I have arranged for our clubs to stay in the same hotel. There will be a pool and a whirlpool. I got TK a gift and I hope he will love it. It’s weird how close we are now even though we did not really talk to each other when we met back in Sept., now we talk every day online. We are excited to meet up again!!!
A weekend of friends, catching up and kendo. How can it NOT be a good weekend?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Packing, Packing and Worrying April 23, 2008
So I’m worried. I know I said in an older post that the FI and I always wanted to live together. Now we’re getting married and it’s actually happening, I’ve been finding myself worrying about it. You see, with the life of a graduate student, I don’t have a schedule. We’re all about the spontaneity, going out late and really, setting our own time on when to do things. We can work and in the middle of the day, just go out to the beach…like last week. That’s exactly what we did; the weather was warm and beautiful and after lunch, we left for the beach and had a great time! I’m worried I’m going to lose that once I move in.
The FI is a working man, our schedules absolutely do not match. He, after all, has to wake up early and go to job that pays him. I respect that, however, I’m not sure I can stand going to bed at 11pm…after all the night is still young at that hour. I know this is partly due to the fact that I am a student, the FI says thinks will change accordingly once I am working in the real world. He says I have a Peter pan syndrome…refusing to grow up. I think it’s true. I’m enjoying my life as a student way to much righ tnow. Like all students, I’m a night owl; I like to stay up late, go out, have fun and sleep in. FI has always been the early bird. I can see this to be a problem.
Also I’m used to not answering to anyone when living alone. I feel that things have to change when that happens. I can’t just get up and go out w/ my friends spontaneously. He has assured me that I will still have that freedom, but I almost feel it slipping away as the moving date is coming closer and closer…
Bridal Shower Aftermath April 21, 2008
It had to be done sooner or later, and I chose to do in last night and get it out of the way. I handwrote all my thank you cards and had the FI mail them out today. I did everything according to Emily Post 1. Thank them for gift 2. Tell them how you’re going to use the gift etc. etc. However, I had a lot of difficulty doing the second part. How do you exactly write how you’re going to use towels you received as a gift? Anyhow, I managed.
So I’m sitting in the FI’s apartment at the moment, waiting for our new mattress to be delivered onto our new Ikea Malm bedframe. I also realized with the upcoming kendo tournament at Harvard, I really need to finish packing up my apartment since I intend to move on the Tuesday of next week. I am also beginning to feel overwhelmed by all the changes that are going on and the packing is just another thing I’ve been procrastinating. I want to work on my thesis, however, I had the bridal shower, the drama that has been going on w/ my friends (more in a separate future post), school, the wedding etc.
Today I am trying to do some damage control from the bridal shower.
In my last post, I briefly mentioned that at one point, I thought my grad school friends would be unable to make it to my shower. I guess the story starts the day before the bridal shower where I got a phone call from TY and later my MOH that OJ may not be fit to drive. She had to go to the dentist to fix this toothache she had and now is hopped up on medication and is probably not safe to drive - she was the driver or the car rental they had and none of the other girls could drive. The MOH told me that she was going to bus it down to my home city on Friday night since she did not want to rely on the other girls to get there anymore (two of them have a history of flaking out). Then I heard fr. TY that the rest of them were going to take the bus the following day. I knew from previous expereince that there are not many buses from our city to my hometown and sure enough, when I checked, I realized that they would be incredibly latet to the shower. I also realized that they will not be able to make it as a day trip since the last bus that leaves me home town is shortly after the shower starts. Anyhow, I was worried, but I eventually get a call from KYM to assure me that they will figure out a way to get to the shower and I should not fret so much.
And so they did.
OJ felt good enough the drive the following day and they all made and as I mentioned last post, I was very happy. I guess I wished the story could end here, but it doesn’t. OJ was still on medication and this medication makes her drowsy, so during the shower, she felt sick and wanted to lie down. My future MIL let her sleep in her bedroom. I really did not have any problems with that and neither did the MIL, however KYM thought it was incredibly insulting and rude to the hostesses (the MIL and her close friend), and to me.
The nagging started early evening and KYM made OJ feel bad for having to sleep. I heard from the other girls that KYM was yelling @ OJ during the car ride back and today, OJ called me in tears asking me if i was offended that she had to lie down b/c she wasn’t feel well. I told her and assured her all was fine, but I heard fr. other friends at school that OJ was so upset and KYM yelled at her and said she endangered everyone’s life in the car ride back (they got pulled over by a police officer for speeding and got a warning). I asked US and NS how the drive back was and US said she was asleep and NS who was sitting shotgun said it was fine and that KYM was being sensitive. Since I have been at the FI’s apt, I missed out on all the yelling. I finally calm OJ down and later get a call from KYM and she’s pissed as hell. I think I’ve managed to calm her down too now. Both of them are just being ridiculous.
However, I think both are okay now. I hope…there’s only so much damage control that can be done when I’m not at school.
Bridal Shower April 19, 2008
On this lovely Saturday afternoon, twenty something ladies were gathered in the living room of my FI’s mother’s house for my bridal shower. Little finger foods, drinks and merriment. I sat in the front like a princess and opened gifts while watching other play silly games. The crowd was a mix of my future MIL’s friends and some of my own. It was a decent crowd, conversations were not strained, pictures were taken, overall a good time.
The afternoon started with my arrival and greeting the guests. The day before I had went shopping a purchased a cute white (of course!) and black swirl patten dress. It was strapless, simple with a bit of retro twist. I loved it and was quite pleased when I found it after walking tirelessly the previous day. After the guests all arrived, the shower officially started. What better way to start off with the traditional toilet paper ice breaker? Of course, when the roll of toilet paper was brought out, I thought maybe we would do Toilet Paper Bride game (which I secretly would love to play!), but it was the one where you had to tell the party sth about yourself for each square you had, with the last square being advice for the bride. It was amusing to watch some of the ladies who took a lot of toilet paper i.e. my MOH!
The rest of the afternoon was spent opening gifts, reading the card (confession: I only pretended to read the card to streamline the whole process), and thanking the gift giver. Gift opening was punctuated with short games such as How Many Pieces of Candy are in the Jars (winner got the candy), What Kitchen Items were in the Bride’s apron (I had to wear an apron with many kitchen tools in the pockets and parade around while ppl tried to memorize what was in the apron). After all that, dinner was served (buffet style) and the gentlemen (my dad, brother, FI, FI’s brother etc) came to join us.
Of course, my mother went crazy with the camera and the videorecorder (which I did not really want), but I was glad to hear she had a great time. I was worried w/ the language barrier, she would feel left out, but she brought pictures from the day of my Grand Gift/Bethrothal. Everyone was interested, and my mother was very social. I was really happy about that.
I’m also very happy that my grad school friends were able to make it (@ one point, I thought they might not have been able to make it out!) b/c it made the shower really fun. I’ve only been to one bridal shower (the FI’s sister-in-law) and I was bored. I thought mine was more fun, then again, it was my own shower after all. I got to catch up w/ MA and have some old memories of high school brought back, KM swung by and we all caught up.
I had a great bridal shower and am happy to have so many ppl share my joy w/ the upcoming nuptials!
(Ex) MOH Replies April 5, 2008
A few days after my last post, I received an email reply from my former MOH. I wasn’t surprised when I got her email reply. She obviously waited so that she would not be writing the email angry, but the emotions were still conveyed and apparant. She was upset that I did not check with her prior to asking the new MOH. She had said that she was quite shocked that I had found a replacement so quickly. Um…hello? My wedding is in TWO months! Of course I had to find a replacement ASAP after she bailed!! She went on to explain that she wished that I had confirmed with her that she would not be able to attend as my MOH and that the evening she had broken the news to me that she had already made up her mind that no matter what, she would come to my wedding.
Now, if I recall correctly, she broke the news to me in the morning. The conversation ended with her saying that she “wasn’t sure”, but she already more or less made up her mind to go for the job, but talking to me just made her feel bad for doing so. I said to her that for all intents and purposes, I will go on to find a replacement for her until she changes her mind (mind you, this was the point I was so angry when her tone had turned accusational). She had agreed that would be the best way to go about it. That evening, I received an email from her telling me about that she was in great financial debt.
“I don’t really have anything to say that would excuse me for bailing out on you last minute. I just hope that you will understand my difficulty and believe me when I say that I think this is the worst thing I’ve ever done to anybody, and I just feel god-awful about it. I feel really crummy inside. A really sorry and wish things could be different.”
To me…that sounded pretty much a 100% bailing. However, in the phone conversation, she did say that it will take one week for the client to get back to her. I waited over a week, and that’s when I asked NS. Now I do not deny that I should’ve asked her to confirm one more time, however, I felt that I did not want to come across as pressuring her and since I had not heard from her at all, I assumed that she wanted nothing else to do with the wedding. Now I am upset that in her recent reply, she said she had already made up her mind to be my MOH no matter what. If she really did, I think she should’ve conveyed it to me. Now she’s upset and I’m upset and I hope that this does not change our friendship…although we all know that it has.
MOH Situation Update: A Classic Case of Bad Timing March 24, 2008
For anyone who has been reading this blog, I had mentioned about two weeks ago how my MOH bailed on me. I was quite upset when she delivered the news and to be thrusted in this situation. I really had no control over it, but to just bear with and respect her decision. When I first asked her if she could take some time off, she said she was pretty sure they wanted a person to commit solidly for the duration of the 24 week course. I had later spoken to her on msn and she said she would ask them, but I was not very optimistic as she went on to give me many other excuses as to why she would not be able to come. She said that she was currently in a financial bind and it would cost her a lot of money to fly from Taiwan to Canada and she is having trouble saving money, in addition, if they do let her have some time off, she will only be able to come to my wedding and have to miss three other weddings in September. In an email that she sent to me that very night, she pretty much flat out said she can no longer be my maid of honour and that she wished things were different.
The following day she told me that she had asked her supervisor whether or not she can take some time off for the wedding and they had said it was ultimately up to the client. So they asked the client and TC said she would hear from them within the week. So more than a week had passed and I heard absolutely NOTHING from TC, and I was getting ansty. So I asked a close friend of mine in the lab, NS to be my new MOH. NS has known about the whole TC and MOH situation and she was more than happy to take on the role. When I asked her, I gave her the option of backing down since I do realize that, like me, she’s working on her thesis. We had a frank discussion of what her responsbilities will be and afterwards, she accepted. I was very much relieved and happy. So there you have it, I have my a new MOH and problem solved.
NS immediately started to look @ dresses online at a bridal boutique I was thinking of having us go next week. Since time of of the essence, I was very impressed with how on the ball she was. Whereas with TC, she had been my MOH for well over a year and I have been trying to get her to find a dress and she had just recently attempted looking for one. I have been finding myself wondering why I did not ask NS in the first place. I thought all was well until I got an email two days following the acquisition of a new MOH that TC wanted her position back. How f*cked up is that? Is this the universe’s way of throwing more obstacles in this already complicated wedding I’m having?! Such bad timing, if she had emailed me earlier or I had asked NS!!!!! Argh!!!
So I was torn. Do I take TC back since she was my original choice or tell her no since I already asked NS and I just could not do that to NS, it would just be unfair. On the otherhand, in TC’s email, she said that the job opportunity fell through when she asked for time off. This makes me incredibly guilty and also bewildered that the client would reject her so quickly when she asked for them to consider a week off. I was tormented for a day before I decided that it would be best that NS stays on as my MOH. I can’t just tell her, “Hey, I don’t need you anymore since the original came back”. That would be too hurtful. In addition, I am sorry to even think this of my friend, TC has bailed on me once already with this very important position, I can’t trust her to bail out on me again. So I wrote her back, probably the most difficult email I’ve had to write in this point in my life, to tell her that it was unfortunate what happened to her, and encouraged her to try to get the job back. I did not say directly, but I made it clear that she could not be my MOH anymore. Should she still come to the wedding, I would still be very incredibly happy. I had OZ and the FI proofread it and sent it out.
It has been four days and still no reply from her.
